I’m figuring out who I am. It’s hard to figure out who you are in high school when changes are constantly happening; sometimes so fast that you’re not aware of them. You are constantly on work mode and have no time to process when your body and mind are saying it’s time to rest.

I realized not too long ago that it’s okay to rest and to listen to yourself when you need a break; its okay to ask teachers and family for help when you’re struggling. One person can’t handle all the work that’s being thrown at them, because that’s what high school does. It’s constant assignments, tests, and lessons you can’t miss. It wears you out, especially students who handle sports, clubs, or work on top of all the school load. Funny thing is, you can’t stop and give out even when you’re worn out.

High school will either make or break you. It will make you stronger mentally or it’ll destroy you to the point where you’re not sure if you can continue dealing with the pressure. High school broke me multiple times. Sad to admit it, but it did. I had a full AP schedule and working at a restaurant 40 or more hours a week. I played soccer and was president of a club.  I was also held responsible for making time for family, friends, and myself.

I hadn’t felt that much stress or pressure to perform my best under all these circumstances until my junior year. It was the toughest year yet; I was always so tired from work that it started getting harder and harder to wake up every day for classes knowing it was just gonna be more and more work than the previous day. I started growing this mindset of,  “I’ll catch up on my day off and go to all my classes.” Trust me when I say this, people are good liars to themselves because I never got a chance to catch up.

I rapidly started losing motivation to do any school work, which means the unexpected started happening; I obviously started failing and I’m sure my teachers were concerned about my whereabouts and if I was planning on getting it together or not. Finals week came along and I finally started showing up to do any work I could to get my grades up; trust me again, teachers will hate you for handling all of the semester’s work in on the last week, but most are understanding and are willing to work anything out in order to help you be successful. I was glad to be done with the worst year of high school.

You’d think that I would have learned my lesson for my senior year and not repeat the same mistakes, but I did not because, for those who know me, know I’m too stubborn for my own good. Although I decided to handle the same workload and pressure, I couldn’t deal with it the same this year. My body and mind are worn out of just doing things on survival mode without a purpose. I was also facing buried mental health issues and family problems. I’m too stubborn and prideful to reach out to teachers and explain that I’m struggling and that I need help.

Luckily, I had teacher Beth Lifson this year as a teacher. She put my well-being in perspective first and then school. I started getting the real help I needed and I started looking at things differently. High school won’t nicely tell you who you are or what you’re good at; it’ll show you what you’re capable of handling and how strong you really are whether or not you’re prepared to handle the outcome.  It’ll prove to you that life is all about hard work and nothing is ever handed to you.

I can’t give any future advice or to tell someone what high school will be like because everyone is different. Life will happen; relationships and friendships are created just as much as they are lost, you’ll fail and be successful, but nothing bad lasts forever.

You are allowed to mess up and fail, as long as you make sure to never give up and continue to try. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to reach out to teachers and make them more aware of your personal life. Teachers aren’t always so cold and strict, a lot of them really do care and want the best for their students. High school has been a blessing and despite the downfalls, I am grateful to have had the constant support from my teachers and peers.